Breathe.

I’m so stressed right now.  I’ve been stressed all week.

I feel stupid for being so stressed and anxious.  I’m supposed to be older and more mature, but here I am, dreading a meeting with my ex.  I feel immature and childish, as if I shouldn’t feel like this.  I don’t know…  It’s stupid.  I don’t know why she told me a week in advance.  I’ve been dreading it all week.  What are we going to talk about?  Why now?  I was doing okay.  I was moving on.  Now she’s got me beating myself up – hopes up one moment, telling myself to be realistic another.  It feels like someone took a hole saw to my chest and made a huge divot.  I hate feeling like this.

God help me.  God, please help me get my emotions under control.  God, please help me be calm and trust in You.  God, please help me remember how You’ve never failed me before, and how You promise me that You will never fail me.  I hate this, but I have this nagging in the back of my mind that whatever’s to come will be for the better.  Help me to trust in that nagging.  Help me to embrace whatever comes, Lord.  Help me to relax, and make use of this time before my meeting to just relax with You – to dwell with You in Your presence.  Help me to think upon good things – positive things.  Help me to direct my energies and focus them into positive activities.  When it comes down to it, I trust in You.  Please be with me today.

I should get going.